Sunday, August 23, 2015

That Time I Took My Dad On A Yoga Retreat

"This is the first time I write a review on a facility and I have traveled the world. My experience was so bad that I thought it important that I share it with you. If you are into roughing it, this would be the destination for you. Since I am not, I want those of us who go on a vacation to rest and relax to know about this place." -My Dad on TripAdvisor

 Once a year my dad tells me "Pick any place you want in the world and we'll go travel." I know I'm extremely blessed that my dad is so generous with me and I treasure these father-daughter trips. The only place he won't go is Antartica- I've already asked. Last spring I suggested we go to a yoga retreat at an Ashram in the Bahamas. The website made it look like a luxurious yoga experience, stay in a gorgeous cabin and get one with my zen sorta deal. Now, my dad is absolutely not the kind of guy who wants to go do yoga on vacation so I was pretty surprised when he said, "sure, sound like an adventure." I think the website convinced him.

 When we arrived to Paradise Island we were told that the ocean front cabin we booked was no longer available but we could get an ocean view. Well i'm not that picky and that sounded just great to me. The woman at the front hut, desk would be too grand of a word, let us know there was no alcohol or caffeine would be allowed in the Ashram and vegetarian only foods. But the wifi could be accessed in the gardens. This is what are world has come to, even the yogis can't resist some good internet. Don't blame em.

 When we get to our cabin it's directly on the beach, the front door being on the opposite side of the waterfront. When we enter my dad lets out a lil' laugh, "you've got to be kidding me." It's small 10 x 10 room with two small wooden beds and a small window facing the beach- no backdoor or patio to actually enjoy the view. My dad sits on his bed, "wait there's no mattress." So we proceed to try and use our yoga mats for some padding. My dad then laments,"I was more comfortable in my tent during Dessert Storm." So you know it's a lil rough. Did I mention this vacation was expensive?

 The next morning we have mandatory sunrise yoga at 6AM. My dad gets through five minutes of the breathing exercise and abruptly leaves. He's mysteriously gone the entire day until dinner and I figure he's just enjoying the beach since yoga isn't really his thing.

 I actually like to frequent vegan restaurants (although I eat meat) so I was pretty pumped for the food. The dinner was slop in a bowl which we then had to unhygienically communally clean in dirty water. WOOF. At least I'd slim a bit down on the trip.

 My dad disappearing throughout the day kept happening until the third day when I found him in the middle of the forest- sipping coffee. "Dad what are you doing out here, and hey, where did you get that starbucks." He replies, "Oh I've actually been spending my days at Atlantis next door and sneaking coffee over, I've been drinking it in the forest so these yogis don't catch on. It's pretty fun over there- wanna ditch this nightmare?"

We then had an awesome Atlantis vacay for the rest of the week.

Hey, at least we tried.

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