Sunday, May 21, 2017

Learning to Let My Husband Take Care of Me




This article is coming from an upper middle class, white passing Latina, only child, and extremely well taken care of young lady. So perhaps you find this article to be dumb, un-self-aware, and extremely spoiled- and you would be right! So now that we have gotten that out of the way I’m going to share on my feelings about having someone take care of me who is not my mom or dad but my husband.


The way that I rebelled in high school was getting a job at the mall. Yes, that was my big rebellion. My parents didn’t want me to have a job while studying, but I wanted to make some extra money so I got a job after school and told them I was staying late at high school to study. I know, total nightmare of a teenager! Any who, they actually didn’t find out until many years later about my little job but I really enjoyed having the small independence from having my own income. Then when I went off to college where my parents helped pay for tuition, room/board, and general insurances- still the rule was I was not allowed to have job. Yet again I rebelled and I immediately got a job and at times worked up to 4 at the same time. I worked as a Starbucks Barista all the way to a paid researcher and every odd job  at Notre Dame and in between. While I am fortunate enough to have never needed the money due to my parent’s generosity, there is something built within me that just simply enjoys working and making my own money. I saved up enough that I was able to take a year off and take a trip all around Europe and Australia/New Zealand. There is just something freeing about having a job and making your own money, even if your parents are still a major part of keeping you afloat.

Then law school came around and for the first time in my life I took my parent’s advice and full help. I was unable to take on a job with the knowledge that I could keep my grades up and made the choice for the first time in 7 years to not work whatsoever. Law school was now going to be my full time job. I struggled a bit with depending on my parents even more, but again felt gratitude that they were kind enough to allow me to go to school without the extra worry of financial burden. Then I met my husband and we got married within the year, something I truly never planned on doing. I imagined that when I met my spouse I would be a kick ass attorney in her early thirties who didn’t need a man to help her. That imaginary husband would just be a compliment to my already successful law career and personal life. Then I got married at 23 and was no longer considered a dependent of my parents. I therefore then lost all of my insurances and financial help that my parents could provide. Uh Oh!

I was going to push through, take it on my own, get a job, and do what a lot of other students have to do to make it through school. And then my husband showed up one day from work and handed me my new insurance card he signed me up for under his plan with a little kiss on the cheek. My first reaction was to throw that card back at him and yell that I didn’t need a man to take care of me and that I would be fine. And yes while it was true that I could make it on my own, why would I? We made a commitment to take care of one another and that is what he was doing for me. There will be times in our relationship that I will be having to take care of him: emotionally, financially, whatever it is. That is what marriage is: being a team and supporting each other through the other’s dreams and struggles. While my parents have raised me to be an independent minded woman, and I still am, I have also chosen to take part in a partnership. It was hard at first to get use to the idea of my husband taking care of me but ultimately he is taking care of his new family and I can’t debt him for it. I’m so incredibly blessed that I have met someone who is happy to help support the family while I’m chasing my goal of becoming an attorney.


That’s why when he handed me that card I kissed him right back.

XO,

2 comments :

  1. This is SO sweet my heart! I can’t wait to get a sweet man one day 🥰 blessings

    ReplyDelete
  2. This is SO sweet my heart! I can’t wait to get a sweet man one day 🥰 blessings

    ReplyDelete